inicio mail me! sindicaci;ón

In the Pursuit of Science Go I!

December 2, 2005 at 7:09 pm · Posted by W.C. MacDougall · Filed under Uncategorized

syringe.jpg

It has been a frustrating fortnight for the advancement of Psychical research indeed- and one that has proven the naked eye to be of science’s weakest instruments. For reasons known only to them, it seems that The American Bureau of Ethical Medicine has taken an interest in my sanitarium. With their hawkish eyes lurking ‘round each corner and secret chamber, it has become increasingly difficult to find the solace and solitude in which I require to conduct my daedal experiments. So it seems, I have taken a great deal of my work home with me. I have crafted a makeshift laboratory in the old slave’s quarters of my family plantation. It has decidedly become a fitting place to continue my research until The ABEM no longer deem the W.C. MacDougall Sanitarium for Consumptives and Non-Curables a “death-trap”. Heretofor and until then, my patients can no longer be the subjects of my research nor will I have access to my scientific contraptions.

Psychical research, however, must forge on! Therefore, I have outlined the experiments that I have been able to conduct in my temporary workshop below.

Instruments used (for each specimen):
1 – Fishing rod (including line and hook)
1 – Dollar bill (US currency)
1 – Rag
1 – Bottle chloroform
1 – Wheelbarrow
1 – Blanket or tarp
1 – Cot (standard)
5 – Leather restraints
1 – Gag (if deemed necessary) Note: Remove moments before necrosis in the event that soul must escape through mouth.
1 – Syringe
20 cubic centiliters – Potassium chloride
30 cubic centiliters – Cobra venom

Specimens:
3 Prostitutes
- Miss Sadie, unwashed
- Miss Penelope, unkempt
- Miss Ophelia, carries unpleasant aroma
2 Vagabonds
- Ernest, career criminal
- Joseph, alcoholic (carries unpleasant aroma)

Soul detecting apparatus:
The naked eye

Ability to detect human soul as it departs the civilized body:
Inconclusive

As any man of knowledge or meddlesome young lady would conclude, my research is for nought without the conveniences that my sanitarium provides me. Once back at work, I plan to construct an electro-magnetic soul detecting atomic x-ray doodad of my own design to be placed above the face, chest and below the anus of expiring specimens. Fear not, this will be explained in my next publication.

Good-day,

Dr. W.C. MacDougall, MD

·

Swidhelm said,

December 7, 2005 @ 1:32 pm

Ahhh, Dr. MacDougall! Wasn’t I as pleased as punch to stumble across your most recent articles! I was simply over the moon! Who am I, you ask? An old friend, or an even older enemy? A member of The American Bureau of Ethical Medicine? A former patient or lover? But enough with speculations, I will reveal my identity soon enough! But first I must inform your dear readers, Dr., that your studies are, in fact, of the utmost scientific importance. Is the doctor immoral, does he perform risky and often unnessessary medical prcedures, and does he go through vagabonds, prostitutes, and orphins in muchn the same manner as a circus strong-man goes through raw egg yolks? Yes, but depite all that, and in the name of science, the Doctor continues to press on! Many have suggested that Dr. Macdougall’s “experiments” are below the salt, beyond the pale, and (in the case of one pig-headed journalist) “a load of codswallop!” But do allow me state, in a few short words, the truth-simply and clearly:Yes, Dr. Macdougall’s experimants are wrong and evil, but the doctor conducts them as a gesture of self-sacrifice, so the world may have the information a lesser man would have kept us from knowing due to the evilness of the actions needed to procure said information.

But I digress! Doctor, we have some catching up to do! Yes, I have been fascinated with your studies for years, and was quite distraught when you disapeared from the public eye for the past several years after that scandalous story. What was it again? Oh yes, that orphin boy you used to have helping you conduct your experiments! Ahh yes, I rememeber, you were quite fond of him, isn’t that so? I do believe you used to have tea with him every night before you retired for the evening. But, if my memory serves me correctly, your fascination with the human ability to adapt to larger and larger amounts of poisoned tea caused you to be, shall I say, hoisted by your own petard? And when the boy lapsed into what seemed to be a permenant coma, you were moved to beat a hasty retreat and burry him alive in Mrs. Honeyspoon’s garden?

But you’d be surprised how long one can survive on tullip roots, especially while unconsious! And oh, the glory of seeing the sun again after several fortnights of darkness! Yes, Wakefield Caldwell Macdougall, I am alive!

Care to join me soon for a cup of poison tea?

RSS feed for comments on this post

Leave a Comment