well, we’re back, and badder than never. undoubtedly you noticed we were gone. my server was sitting at my old office at UIC, which i recently gave up since i ain’t teaching no mo’, but i left it there to (1) donate a cheap-ole computer to the office, since it didn’t have one and (2) give me free server hosting instead of paying $10/month or so, for this and a[nother] high quality blogging-experience extravaganza.

but i was worried that whoever moved into the office might think the computer belonged to the department and might farmer-blow mucus all over it, or something, so I wrote, quite prominently:

THIS COMPUTER BELONGS TO YOSEF K____. DO NOT UNPLUG! CALL ME AT xxx-xxx-xxxx IF YOU NEED TO MOVE”

in supersize Sharpie on the side of the case. (btw I’m hiding from google so I didn’t want to put my name there).

The semester starts, and everything is fine and dandy. A week later I get a phone call.

YOSEF: Hello?
STRANGER (Heavy Chinese accent): Allo? Yosef?
Y: Yes, this is he. Who is this?
S: This is ??? (unintelligible) from the office.
Y: Which office?
S: The new office.
Y: Where is the old office?
S: I justed moved into the office.
Y: Okay, well enjoy it.
(Just as he actually reveals some information about who he is, I have a guess who he might be.)
S: There is a computer here.
Y: Ahhh, you’re in MY old office, which is now YOUR new office. How grand. You probably want me to setup a login so you can use the computer?
S: Yes. The computer.
Y: Do you want me to set it up so you can login to it?
S: Yes.
Y: Email me a list of the login names for you and the other two people in the office, and I will set it up. Email to y-o-s-e-f@math.xxxxx
S: (Repeats back) y-o-s-e-f@…
Y: okay?
S: Okay. But we want Windows [it's a Unix machine]
Y: This is MY computer, and I want to leave it Unix because I’m running a web server on it as well. You are free to use it, but I want to leave it as Unix.
S: But we want Windows.
Y: But it’s not yours. If you want to try to get the department to buy you a different computer, fine, but good luck.
S: Oh, it’s yours?
Y: Yes, can’t you read English (chuckle), it says it is 4″ sharpie letters?
S: But the computer takes up a lot of space
Y: Oh, I see. If you want, I will take it, but there is no other computer to replace it.
S: I will ask the department
Y: Do you want me to take mine now?
S: No, can you leave it until the department gets us one
Y: Yes [thinking this will be forever]. Are you going to email me a list?
S: Yes.
Y: If you get another one, please call me before you unplug it, because I have a webserver on it
S: I will.

Fun stuff. I should be set now for at least a year with free web hosting. Until one week later the site goes down. Oh no. I call and email the people in the office, no answer. Oh great, wonderful. Surely the dept. didn’t buy them a ‘puter, so probably they tried to reformat it and install Windows (and erase all my blog! IT CAN’T BECOME!). What have I done? I should have paid the $10/month for real hosting, or at least learned Chinese.

I try several times, but no one is at the office. Finally (the third check today), someone’s there. It’s him! So I confront him

Y: Hello, I’m Yosef
S: (silence)
(I walk into the office and look around for the computer. A brand new Dell is on the desk where my computer was [obviously they bought it themselves].)
Y: You called me about my computer.
S: Yes.
Y: Where is it?
S: Yes.
Y: Do – You – Know – Where – My – Computer – Is?
S: Yes.
(I start rummaging through his refridgerator: nothing good to eat. His desk drawers, nothing. Open the closet. AHHHHH! here is is! She’s safe… breathe)
Y: You said you would not unplug this.
S: I got a Windows computer.
Y: I see. What’s your name?
S: (I forgot already)
Y: Where are you from?
S: China
Y: When did you arrive?
S: Two weeks
Y: 再見, 是很好。

So if you, gentle reader, think I don’t care for you, think again. Same thought? Yeah, I guess you’re right. You might need yosefblog, but yosefblog doesn’t need you. I’m sure you’re relieved it’s back, especially if you’ve read this far. And if so, why don’t you do something to give a little back (or big back) to yosefblog. Why don’t you contribute, with high quality posts, pseudo-intellectual comments, or cold hard gold bullion?

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