Julian Thuan at the Cinema presents: CINDERELLA MAN
Hello fabulous Hollywood! It is I, Julian Thuan, the Child of Light and Beauty, and I am back with yet another exciting edition of JULIAN THUAN AT THE CINEMA! This time, however, I have a bone to pick. AND PICK I MUST! I recently went to the glamorous Gotham (that’s New York, for you non-industry-savvy readers) premiere of Ron “Opie” Howard’s new pic CINDERELLA MAN- and let me tell you, what I saw projected on that silver screen was both shocking and appalling. Russell Crowe? BOXING? Well, as a respected film historian/scholar/inventor, you could imagine my disappointment when I discovered that CINDERELLA MAN was NOT a re-make of the 1960 masterpiece CINDERFELLA (pictured below).
Nay, CINDERELLA MAN is the story of depressing Depression-era fighter and folk hero Jim Braddock (a perpetually sweaty, and may I be so bold as to say DRUNK, Russell Crowe), who defeated heavyweight champ man-bear Max Baer in a 15-round testosterone-laden slugfest in 1935. BOOOOORING! At the risk of sounding a bigot, I can go to any Italian or Hispanic neighborhood in Gotham on any given day to watch this little plotline unfold… FOR FREE! Sorry Jim Braddock, but you will never take the place of the all American hero ROCKY BALBOA in my eyes and hearts. It was a valiant effort, however.
CINDERFELLA, on the other hand, is a stunningly lavish re-telling of the Cinderella story. Set in hilarious 1960’s Beverly Hills, rubber-faced master of comedy JERRY LEWIS plays Cinderfella, the hilariously homely, clumsy simpleton servant at his stepmother and stepbrother’s hilariously gaudy mansion. Only his hilarious Fairy Godfather can help him win the heart of the beautiful Princess Charming (the always delightfully classy and sassy Anna Maria Alberghetti). With comedy, slap-stick, stellar acting, day-dreaming and joyful musical numbers, CINDERFELLA has it all! BRAVISIMO!!!
Sure, it may be sour grapes that I didn’t get to witness movie magic- beguiled into believing that CINDERELLA MAN would, after-all, be a revival of CINDERFELLA starring, dare I say, JIM CARREY? (Now THAT would be AMAZING!) CINDERELLA MAN is, by today’s carbon-based standards, a good flick, but it’s no Jerry Lewis laugher, that’s for darn sure!
My advice, my eager little cinefiles, is to see CINDERELLA MAN at your leisure, but to PRATFALL into your local video rentorium ASAP and grab yourself a copy of CINDERFELLA- because believe you me, they will be flying off the shelves once this tasty little review is hot off the presses! What are you waiting for- the Singing Tree of Furvormuneria to lull itself to sleep? GO!
In the mean time, I’ll be boxing your ears… AT THE MOVIES!