Dred locks in the beard? How grody!
Rabbi Joel Kahan, you’ll have to forgive me for not wanting to run my fingers through your yud-gimmel tikunei dikno (13 Attributes of Mercy a/k/a Strands of the Celestial Beard) but I’m afraid I’ll have to pass this time for fear of a sprained wrist! Look out Matisyahu! Here comes the real Hassidic Reggae and this time its gezhe (of old-guard Chabad pedigree)! Perhaps the Cheif Oral Scribe could author his own discourse entitled “L’Hovin HoInyon Shel CONDITIONER” (To understand the idea of conditioner)!
For tips on proper facial hair grooming for the contemporary Hassid, please take a look at that dreamy Georgian hunk, Professor Simon Jacobson of Toward a Meaningful Life fame. Doesn’t his salt-and-pepper beard just glisten! His anvil jaw just means a greater palate on which to lavishly spread that stunning pelt! Take my breath away, Simon! And shame on you, Rabbi Kahan! I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t seem to find “poor grooming” in my Sefer Minhagim (Book of Chabad Customs)! You’ve got only yourself to blame for that.
